Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I think my nap took me to another dimension
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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