He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I think I sprained my soul last night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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