does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
