Sober January is a disaster.
birth control should be required to get into college
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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