Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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