i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Still dying that you shit outside
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
