so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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