My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
