all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
