I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
