If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
