i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
