this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
