I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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