You just made me feel so damn special
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
