and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
