flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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