Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
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