Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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