i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
