hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
