I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
