Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
