You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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