I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Randomize
