How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
