i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
The best revenge is premature balding
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
