i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
