so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
