yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
