bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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