I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
