So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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