left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The Olympian is in my bed
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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