I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
