Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
it glows. i had to have it.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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