Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
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