How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
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