Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
