Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
