we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
