I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
