i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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