he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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