please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
