Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
