Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
