The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
