how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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