One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
