there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
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