Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
