If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
