you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
