Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
two words: eviction party
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
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