Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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